I've explored WHY many times. Never came to any conclusion or answer... or even a hint. Definitely never achieved that elusive zen status of 'accepting'.
Anyways... I'm not here to navel-gaze (I'm ALWAYS navel-gazing, much to the dismay of my facebook friends.)
Here's a list of what I hope to accomplish: (I love lists, but I never follow them.)
1. Talk about striving for minimalism while having a low income. I have yet to see another blog do this. (I'm sure they are out there, just haven't seen one myself.) I got all excited recently cause I saw a post about some family living on less than $25k per year (and doing cool stuff). I followed it and just found that their income was over $80k, they just LIVED on $25k. They owned a house and stuff. = = Yay... go them. This is NOT about living frugally. Tons of those. More power to em; I'm not interested in living that way. Sounds incredibly stressful and over-controlled to me. What I have is a problem with STUFF. But every blog about minimalism really stresses me out. Been trying to figure out WHY exactly. Still not sure... but all of them seem to assume a healthy income of sorts. "Buy quality over quantity." Ok, I get that... but nearly every piece of furniture I own was given to me as hand-me-downs. I did buy the tv stand my old crt sits on. $40 bucks new I think. It wobbles a bit. My bedroom furniture was gotten from a yard sale when I was 14. Same mattress.
I'm 40.
Anyways, I've spent my entire life being addicted to getting stuff. And I've changed what fascinates me soooo many times over the years. Different crafts, antiques, books, you name it. STUFF, STUFF EVERYWHERE.
I gather stuff cause it makes me feel better, right?
Hmm.
All I can think about is the money I've spent or others' money spent. ><; That guilt upon even THINKING of tossing stuff (much isn't good enough to resell, trust me.) "Can I get rid of this? How much did it cost? Is it even mine?"
yeah. :/
2. I need to get rid of stuff and reduce bills (cost for rent of a bigger place to hold all this stuff, for example) cause I may be homeless* at any time.
Seems weird, huh?
Yeah, me too.
I have a good, solid job. I work remotely. I work for the state (which means low pay, great benefits, much job security, wow.) But I'm also very sick. Chronically sick with all those pain-ridden modes of existence that just means my life sucks. I was often sick as a kid. I started having symptoms of chronic illness when i was 14 or so, got much worse around 18. Didn't matter though, my parents didn't have enough money to trot me out to the doctor all the time, not that they believed me anyways. Over the years it's gotten worse. Some days I am too sick to function. I can't even check email for my job.
can't
even
check
(much less feed my kid. Thankfully, she's a teenager and can fend for herself in the kitchen.)
To me, that's pretty damn bad.
My boss has asked if I can go on disability. From what I've heard though, it's DAMN hard to get and I would be earning half or less what I do now. I can barely find a place to live that I can afford as it is...
Anyways, we get by right now. It's like this great waiting period though. Waiting for the shit to hit the fan. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting to catch a break. Waiting on a miracle. I dunno. Waiting...
My goal right now is 2 years. 2 years of getting through this. Why then? It's a bit of a double milestone. I'll hit 10 years at work (I think that means something to HR, not sure.) and my kid turns 18. What happens in 2 years? What's the goal?
Beats the hell outta me.
I just have a goal of getting through the next 2 years. Planning stuff.
Planning what?
3. See the
I love going places. I LOVE driving! (Anyone hiring a driver of non- semis or buses?) Couple years back, I upgraded my life with a 1997 Toyota 4Runner. It looks a bit rough here and there. I got it cheap, knowing I'd have to put some repair money into it, but overall it's in pretty good shape. I had a mini party (just me in the car grinning like an idiot and taking photos of the rollover) when the odometer rolled over to 200k miles.
Says something that I took the effort to hunt down pics of my car to post here.
Right now, I have a goal of visiting every state park in Georgia. Only recently have I started collecting patches from each park as 'proof'. It's fun. ^^ Unfortunately, I've just been day tripping these places due to having not much money, a kid that isn't keen on the travel part of traveling or 'roughing it', and having to 'plan' around severe health issues (you don't).
We'll see how this goes, but I actually have high hopes. :)
4. The big wrench in the works (besides being poor) is that I'm afraid of people.
Yep, that's a problem.
A big one.
Every blogger out there loves being around people and meeting new ones. I'm terrified of it. Terrified of being questioned. Making phone calls. Dealing with professionals or locals. I recognize it, but I can't seem to get past it. (I was raised to be afraid of people for religious reasons and too sensitive to be brave anyways and grow beyond it.)
So, my answer to this is to go see nature. haha.
That... and/or find a travel buddy that can put up with me. :/
(I'll just go see trees... )
(As I've been told before) This stuff may come across as damn depressive. I'm not! There are manymanymany things I love (see #1 for the after effect >.>; )and I love sharing what I love with others (makes #4 really ironic). Sure, there are some difficulties, but I think it makes me appreciate things some people may glance over. But that's okay too. Different things are gonna appeal to different people!
So yeah, this blog may be over-ambitious a bit. ^^;; But I just wanted a place to spew out my goals and stuff.
That being said, I might not come back.
* Oh right... forgot. The homeless bit is due to not being sure I can keep my job and living in an area that ain't cheap (though I AM in a cheap area. :/ ). My love for travel and seeing new places has made me consider living in a RV. But I can't afford a RV either... Dilemma. ><
